Yesterday in the shower, the explanation came to me in a bolt of blue fire: when I signed up for EI, I was supposed to go back to work in September. That's why the payments stopped. I just assumed that if I notified (those jerks at) the Board, everything would be alright. Last month, when we first ran out of money, I'd assumed that it was because the Boy was dropping a mint on transport and lunches for a job that hasn't paid up (yet). Suddenly it all makes sense.

Of course, none of this helps with the home environment. The problem is not between me and the Boy – we're stressed but civil. The problem is that my parents are big shareholders in the regret factory. They express their worry about the current situation by saying things like, "why didn't you figure this out before?" and "it's going to take a really long time to get this straightened out." I swear, when an affordable time machine goes on the domestic market, my parents will be the first customers, just so they can force me to go back in time and correct banking errors.

Everything was aggravated further when we left the diaper bag behind at church. Contents? My wallet, the digital camera, and baby miscellania (including a poopy diaper). Suddenly the time machine has yet another job.

I have enough on my plate without listening to Monday morning quarterbacks deride me for my lack of foresight. I'm coping by shutting down, which only makes them attack harder. It's like in some twisted way they think that I'm not worked up about this shit, so they have to educate me as to the seriousness of the situation. I have no money, no wallet, no camera, and the prospect of a long paper-filled battle back to solvency. I don't need the extra sadness.

It's sapping my energy. It's sapping my will to live. It's creating lightening flashes of pain in my forehead and a big throbbing ball of unease in my gut.

Maybe if I get my camera back I'll be able to write about the glorious jumble that was the Original Six First Birthday Party. But not, not, not tonight. Tonight I'm going to lick my wounds, read Jane Urquhart and eat another plate of veggie stew. It's time for free entertainments.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 11/14/2004 08:07:00 p.m.