How can I put this so that no one's feelings are hurt? How about: I'm not looking my best these days. My wardrobe is in limbo, caught between just a bit too small and worn it a million times and too dressy to risk a spit up attack and can't possibly nurse without taking off all my clothes each and every time. I need new pants – new everything, really – so bad that I'm starting to dream about shopping. To add to this blizzard of shlump, I also decided to grow my hair out a few months ago. So my hair is no particular shape and totally impossible and sticking in my eyes just when it would be nice if I could comb it and forget it. My mom keeps dropping subtle hints by telling me when exactly she'll be seeing my cousin the hairdresser. I feign interest and wonder when I'll reach the breaking point.

It's particularly hard to meet new people these days; I feel like I have to apologize for the way I look. No really – I didn't suddenly become ill-dressed & badly coifed when I gave birth. That all started when I was born.

Yesterday my car got hit in the parking lot. I was, for once, completely blameless - although I had a bad moment today when it was time to call the other woman and tell her that what had looked like a few paint scrapes was actually $700 of alignment & body work. The prospect of bearing such incredibly bad tidings made me want to hide in the nearest hole. At least it was resolved quickly: one phone call to her answering machine and her insurance company was in touch within a few hours. Thank God. I don't think I could've borne a week of shiftiness & recrimination.

Blake is a delight these days. He's hooting and squealing at all hours (last week I could've sworn he said 'booger.') He's also getting up earlier and earlier – or, rather, he's kicking me awake earlier and earlier. The Boy & I have been coping rather badly; sleep deprivation is turning us into people we'd rather not be. So we started as many bedtime rituals as we could think of, and we're trying to get him used to his crib. The problem is that he goes to sleep fairly easily; he just doesn’t stay asleep. To put the problem into perspective, I wouldn't mind if he woke up every 2 hours because now he's awake every half-hour or so.

But we have a laughing, curious boy who's starting to pivot around the room and eat mashed up banana. Most moments are worth the cost in sleep. I think. But then again, I'm not thinking too clearly right now.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 5/18/2004 08:55:00 p.m.