It has been very warm & sunny over the last 2 days. On one hand, I'm luxuriating in the very welcome heat, but on the other hand, the light in the air makes me almost desperate to be elsewhere. My weariness of the past week has been translated into an ugly gloomy mood and it makes me frantic.

This is not to say that things have taken a sudden downturn in Amoretville. The baby life has been treating me well; every day I feel a new connection with Blake, another tiny filament that binds us inextricably together. Yesterday we crashed out with all the other mamas & babes under the trees, and it was a gorgeous wallowing in shade & breeze, exactly what I'd dreamed of when winter closed in around me & my newborn. Blake, for his part, modelled his new hat and tried to eat pine needles.

(I can't let him touch plants anymore because invariably his little hand shoots out & snatches up a fistful of leaves, which he then crams into his mouth. Still, for all the trouble I go to pick greenery out from between his fingers, his intent observation is an absolute joy to behold.)

He also grinned & poked at any baby within reach, from wee Kate to his old friend Dexter to his tall non-biologicial twin Oliver. He's cute enough to get away with the kind of grabbing that would be intolerable in the rest of us. Sooner or later I'm going to have to stop him from poking someone's eye out.

Today we took a walk (I walked, he bobbed along in the sling). I really wish that I could fix the sling so that it didn't make me sore within minutes. I'm starting to wish that I'd started slinging him when he was born, because I just can't get used to it now. Granted, he's a pretty big baby – but the Sears' books show big toddlers in slings, so it must be possible. I'm still trying to figure out if I permanently weakened my back with pregnancy & birth, so I guess the added strain isn't a wise idea.

I just wish he didn't like the sling so much. If I felt better he'd be in it all the time, satisfying his curiosity about the world & having a grand time. Eh. One more thing to be guilty about, I suppose.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 5/14/2004 10:16:00 p.m.