lazy friends & lazy moms

"He's my lazy friend," I said confidently to Gila as she prepared food for her wedding shower. "Not that he's lazy, but he lets me be lazy. I don't have to make plans very far in advance because he's usually free and if he isn't, there's always some kind of alternative we can work out."

"I need a lazy friend, too," she decided.

"Well, I think we can share mine. Since I'm not in the city anymore, I'm not using him as much as I could. We can split him."

"Cool."

I've always felt vaguely guilty about my lazy friend. There's something sensible in me that reminds me of the work involved in friendship. Laziness will pay off, it warns. But my lazy friend has this whole theory of "stupid time," which is time spent doing stupid non-purposeful things that ultimately forms the bedrock of any human relationship. Stupid time is my excuse for not planning anything, because then it wouldn't be stupid.

But all good things fall apart eventually. I called my lazy friend 2 days ago because I was bored & lonely and didn't see that changing while I still had a cranky dozing baby slung around my hips. I wanted to do something stupid last night. But he was in the middle of cleaning his house, because he was having a lady friend over for dinner. So much for laziness paying off.

I've been sick for the last few days, and this has led to a serious drop in the quality of my judgement. For one thing, I've been spending precious hours coding redundant webpages for Baby Club. For another thing, I've been trying to put Blake down for a nap instead of napping with him, so our sleep schedules have slid out of phase like two continental plates. In place of the metaphorical earthquakes, I've been sleeping really late & relying on the Boy to get us through the darkest hours of the night. None of this is bad in itself, but I need to get back to the place where I have the physical resources to take care of the baby my own self. My poor self-discipline has led to an attempt to comfort myself with fleeting pleasures, but none of those compensate for the sudden helpless feeling that strikes when Blake cries and I don't feel like I can handle it for 30 more bloody seconds.

In boring web news, I do have a new design ready for the month, but I've been suddenly struck by shyness. Maybe I'll be ready to convert back to manual entries in a week or two. I have no idea why I spent so much time getting ready for this, only to chicken out at the last minute. That poor judgement thing again, one assumes.

the three of us at baby club

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 5/01/2004 05:09:00 p.m.