I went into Hogsboro High today to pick up a few things (a Simpsons episode guide, a huge poster of Luhrman’s “Romeo + Juliet” & my Chucky doll, if you must know). It was a pleasant visit - I liked seeing my coworkers and they liked to see me & the wee department mascot – but -

I’m starting to feel more out of place now that summer is here and school is out – a feeling that makes absolutely no sense. You know, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with summer, it’s probably just a reaction to the increased mobility of the baby and my own mostly-buried desires to return to adult life off the mommy track. Don’t get me wrong – I’m very glad that I chose to prolong my leave of absence. It’s just that as Blake stops needing me 24 hours a day (only 22 now) I’m starting once more to wonder who I am.

Or maybe it’s just the mommy inferiority complex rearing up once more. Yick! Down I say! I’m a good mom! (Even though I let him cry for 2 minutes today…even though I pulled him off my breast when 20 minutes of his gymnastic nursing made me sore…even though I didn’t read him a story or give him a bath…even though he’s sleeping peacefully in his crib instead of on my body…)

It’s like housework. There’s always something.

One of the lies I’ve always indulged in is that if I ever got a significant holiday, I would use the time to exercise regularly. Despite strong evidence to the contrary, I’ve never lost faith in my own ridiculous assertion. Well, gangway: I’m assertin’ it again. And I’ve got my mother in the passenger seat this time.

Yep. My mom & I are going to get memberships at the local rec centre and we’re going to exercise. I’ve decided that my membership in the Hogsboro gym is a complete write-off; I could refuse to buy a local rec centre membership and try to drag myself to the next major city several times a week in a futile attempt to use what I’ve paid for, or I could just be sensible and make it easy on myself to get some regular exercise. Besides, even when I start teaching again & the gym is convenient, what are the odds that I’m going to want to prolong my work day in Hogsboro? I’d much rather see the Boo.

So the plan is to start tadpole lessons with Blake, continue the baby exercise class, and drop in on at least two other classes every week. Maybe by the time I go back to work I’ll actually be able to fit into all of my work skirts. (As I said to Pixie when we dressed for the Garden, my slutty skirt’s prolly ecstatic that I’m not trying to cram my huge ass into its wanton self for one night. I can only assume that it fit when I bought it.)

And if I don’t lose weight, at least I can have the satisfaction of knowing that on one holiday I did what I said I would do.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 6/23/2004 10:18:00 p.m.