Last night I realized that in my hustle to "do things" before I go back to work, I'd forgotten to spend time with the reason I'm not working. What good does it do Blake to have a million frozen cubes of dinner if he can't remember his mama? I decided that from now on I'm going to spend the days with him, not "getting things done." Today was our first day...

...and I took a 2-hour nap in the morning while my mom watched him. Oh well. At least I was in a better mood when I got up. And at least I didn't get anything done.

We spent most of our day visiting, first with my pregnant cousin (who I haven't seen since I heard the news) and then with other cousins. The whole intense cousin-visiting arose from the latest family flap – somebody's offended, oh what a surprise – but I did enjoy the day regardless. I feel terrible for my pregnant cousin (we'll call her PregNancy). She & my cousin (we'll call him Jiltor) have only been married for 5 ½ years and Jiltor is already cheating on her. What's worse is that she found out, he left her, and then she found out she was pregnant (this is after many years of trying to coax Jiltor to agree to a baby). So PregNancy's been all alone with her first pregnancy, dealing with a husband who's still dating another woman and yet talks about how much he's looking forward to the baby. And I thought Female Crazy Neighbour was a bad scene. Man.

Here's the best part – she's still ready to forgive him if he stops acting like an asshole. He may not believe it, but he is one lucky motherfucker. If the Boy had pulled this shit on me, I'd've kicked his ass into the street and set his djembe on fire. And even then he'd be getting off lightly. As Pixie always said, 'I'll kill you before I divorce you.'

Anyway, I had a good time visiting. It was exhausting trying to keep Blake out of the toilet and dog food, but I managed. I offered myself as breastfeeding support; I know she's going to suffer from post-partum depression and I'd hate for her to switch to bottles when I could be helping.

My follow-up gym appointment was un-fun. I was told that I had rated as 'unhealthy' in almost every measure. (20 years after Participaction I'm still getting the red 'participant' rating. Crap.) This is so close to what I'd feared that I locked up; I pasted a frozen smile on my face and pretended unconcern. Thus, I'm still completely puzzled by some of the things she told me because I was too upset to ask for an explanation.

I feel slightly – very slightly – vindicated by the discovery that pregnant or lactating women don't fit on the BMI chart. My milky boobs crush your pathetic condemnation of my health! I just may have to continue breastfeeding forever. Yep. That's an appropriate reaction to a fitness assessment.

Two cute Blake stories, just because I'm not in a very good mood right now.

1. Yesterday I took Blake to the local pool for some swimming fun. Everything went well until we got out of the pool; I had to leave Blake sitting on the floor while I scampered off to grab his clothes. When I came back, he'd put something in his mouth. I fished it out...

! ! ! A WAD OF HAIR WITH A TOENAIL CLIPPING IN THE MIDDLE ! ! !

I usually have very little reaction to what Blake chooses to put in his mouth. I figure, he's a baby, he doesn't know. But yesterday everyone in the change room knew what he'd been eating because I couldn't lower my disgusted voice. Ewwwwwww.

2. This morning Blake was extremely restless. After he'd gone off for breakfast with his father, I tried to coax him into a morning nap. The two of us conked out for awhile, but I still felt awful when he woke up again. Then I checked to clock.

"Holy crap, Blake! It's quarter to eight! Go back to sleep!"

And my darling precious angel gift responded, "holy crap! holy crap! holy crap!"

(Except it was more like "ho cp! ho cp!" But you get the idea. I'm sure this is merely the first time he'll repeat an unsavoury word. I can't wait.)

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 1/25/2005 08:32:00 p.m.