I had a fitness assessment today. It came free with my local gym membership, although I really should've done it when I joined the gym 7 months ago. Ah well. It's not like my fitness routine would've been all that affected by the knowledge that I need to develop flexibility in my torso.

On the whole it was a positive experience, although I was pretty nervous all the way through. There's some shrinking part of me that's convinced that the fit people will find me out and give me the tongue-lashing of a lifetime. Or worse yet, turn away from me in contempt. Go away you worthless slug, there's no place for you here. Go wreck your body with snacks. Go sit in front of your DVD's and pretend that it doesn't matter. Watch your muscles atrophy. Watch your body balloon. Get sick. Crawl away. Die.

I suppose that in comparison to my fevered imaginings, even basic courtesy would come across as more than I deserve. I have to get away from this idea I've had since childhood that I'm worthless if I'm not perfectly fit. I suppose that the best way to kill that idea would be to get kind of fit, just enough so that I can feel at ease in my body, instead of thinking deep down that I don’t deserve health if I'm not perfect.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 1/18/2005 10:06:00 p.m.