Tonight it was just me & my dad for dinner. I always get tense as hell when I have to cook around my dad, mostly because he feels unsure in the kitchen and he deals with uncertainty through anger. He also finds Blake an aggravating factor, as he can't understand why a baby wouldn't just play quietly on the floor and not go straight for the interesting and dangerous areas of the kitchen (i.e. hot stove, busy adults, open fridge, open dishwasher, step stool next to stairway that he can now clear of debris and climb...).

But before we even started cooking, Blake was getting on his nerves. My son is fascinated with the glass cabinet under my father's stupidly huge teevee in the den. Now that Blake can open the cabinet himself, he's forever trying to get at the flashing lights & cool buttons of the VCR & DVD player. This seems like a natural interest to me, although I don't allow it to continue - I just pick him up and distract him, telling him in a friendly voice not to touch the electronics. My dad prefers the "sit in a chair, yell NO! in an alarming tone and get frustrated because the 13 month old baby won't mind him" method. This makes me crazy, although I don't really want to start a confrontation about it. I used to worry that my dad's armchair disciplinarian style was hurting Blake's emerging sense of the world, but all I can do is be consistent loving & patient. I can't force my parents to treat my child the same way. If my dad wants to be irrational, hey. It's his nickel.

Anyway, whenever we have to share the kitchen we spend two hours pacing around each other, getting increasingly annoyed. I think tonight's highlight was when I had Blake on my hip, and awkwardly pulled the fridge door so far open that the window crank on the wall snapped off. This window crank was one of Blake's earliest kitchen toys; naturally he was interested in investigating the new metal nub in the old spot. As soon as my dad got duct tape over the metal, Blake ripped it off in about 30 seconds flat. When we finally convinced Blake to leave the tape in place, he started sucking on it instead.

I don't mind such antics. This is just part of being Blake: he's interested in new things, he's a ceaseless explorer and he's not old enough to understand "no!" if there isn't a good reason behind it. Putting myself down to his level has taught me a lot of things, not the least of which is that it's perfectly understandable to try picking apart an area of the house where you used to have free reign. And also, in a perfect world we would all be able to put everything into our mouths. It's something to work toward, at least.

The Boy is still unemployed. I only mention this because he has entered the "wallowing in self-pity" stage, somewhere he goes at least once whenever he's between meaningful occupation. I try to be a loving wife, I really do, but it's hard at times. We start off well: he bemoans his luck, I sympathize, he reviles himself, I bolster, he attacks former co-workers, I join in. The problem is that I'm trying to have a conversation and he's just spewing. Eventually I get antsy and impatient, to which he responds with mounting irritation. Then we argue for awhile. It wasn't too bad today, but it could've been better. The thing is, I want him to have a job but it doesn't really bother me when he's unemployed. What bothers me is the rock-bottom self-esteem, the unending pity party that I can only attend for so long.

Keep your fingers crossed for him. We need the luck.

One person who doesn't need the luck is my mother. She visited a psychic yesterday (long story) and was told that this was a lucky month for her. She went out to a local casino this morning and won $500. This should relieve some of the financial stress she's been feeling (another long story, but a much less pleasant one).

The psychic told my mother that her grandson has a very old soul and will prove himself prenaturally wise in the years to come. I'm not sure if it's true, but it certainly sounds good.

(Reminds me of last week when Lisanne & I were talking about our babies' progress. Lisanne said, "Dex makes the sign for book, and he moves his mouth like he's reading!" To which I replied, "Blake can wish for fish. Like in One Fish, Two Fish.")

Yep. Old soul indeed.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 1/17/2005 10:05:00 p.m.