Rough night last night. I'm not sure if I'm just hitting a wall with co-sleeping or if it was simply a rough night and it would've played out the same no matter where the baby slept. I do know that I'm getting awfully tired of using myself as a pacifier to keep him quiet at night. But I need to work on this during the day. When I'm more-or-less awake, it's a lot easier to be creative. In the dead of night I'll always go for the solution that'll pacify for at least 20 minutes.

My problem is that he's often full of smiles & ready to rock at 6 a.m. – an hour when the pain in my hips is maddening and I'd kill for 3 unbroken hours of sleep on my own. So he'll squirm around the bed looking for something to do, nursing for a minute at a time before thrashing away, and I'll try to sleep. Meanwhile, I'm starting to feel guilty about leaving his diaper untouched for 7 hours & a little voice is telling me to get up and change the poor soaking bairn.

This is the nanny hour. You don't know what I would do if Mary Poppins would take the babe away & play games with him for 3 hours or so. It's actually best that you don't know what I would do.

Ugh. These are always the mornings that make me think about running away to Edmonton.

I did manage to get to fitness class today. And to give the devil his due, I wouldn't've made it without my dad's help. He came home just in time to help us out the door. I know that exercising once a week isn't really going to do much other than get me into the habit again, but I'm hoping to get into a groove. I've given up the idea of ever hitting a Toronto dancefloor (they're not really baby friendly) but maybe I can wear something nice to Preacher's wedding this summer. Something that's flattering, yet makes it easy to nurse.

Heh. I might as well ask for a dress that can make me a sandwich, because that's just as likely.

In 5 more days I'll be able to celebrate my conception anniversary. 5 days until the spark that is Blake made its way onto the earth. Such a funny thought, that he's been here so little, but here forever. I can remember my life before him, but it's all taking on the hues of a dream. Like when I used to weigh 120 pounds. Or when I dated someone other than the Boy. This Is Forever.

And most times, I'm glad. Even on an Edmonton day like today.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 3/02/2004 09:56:00 p.m.