Last night was brutal. My mom ended up using a pacifier on Blakedor when I crashed out for an hour in the early morning.

I feel like I'm on a slippery slope to Hell. I feel like if we were better parents - more specifically, if I were a better mother - this never would've happened. I would've developed more soothing skills, I'd have more inner reserves, I'd be more patient, etc.

I don't want him to use a soother. I don't want him to wean prematurely. I don't want my wonderfully expressive baby to be dummied by a piece of plastic for even a minute.

But it's easy to compromise when you haven't slept all night. Or all month.

Amy's father has passed away. I'd never met him, but I did meet Amy on two lovely occasions - and I'm so sad for her that I feel like my face is melting.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 1/16/2004 07:15:00 p.m.