I’ve decided to stop being cowardly about this. Somewhere along the line it became more important for me to continue this journal than to write in it. We all go through slumps. We all hit periods when we don’t want to do what was once beloved and is now routine. If I hadn’t been strict with myself, I wouldn’t have this blog. I know that. But I’m just not interested right now. There are more things I can’t write about than things I can. I have an extremely demanding job that somehow taps into both my work ethic and my bleeding heart so that I can’t get a minute’s peace when I have a moment to work and don’t, because I might just be short-changing someone’s future.

Besides, there’s the knitting.

And of course there’s the mothering. There aren’t many on-line moms who work, and those that do seem to have a desk job or be tremendously more organized than I or at the very least need less sleep. I can’t say that I do even the lion’s share of Blake’s care & maintenance, but I need to stop feeling guilty about not being able to write about his every move while I’m struggling to mark a set of essays and keep a modicum of clean clothes on our backs. I want to spend more time playing & living with him, and I don’t want to tote along a camera to everything because that’s my only source of safe content.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is this: I’m taking this journal onto indefinite hiatus. There may be a point at which I am ready to write about my life (or have something to write about), and when that point comes, I’ll be back.

That being said, it just so happens that I have a few observations to make about my day. I woke up feeling like creamed crap, no doubt the result of working until Friday, doing all my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve (a surprisingly calming experience if you avoid malls and shop in the big box compounds), and the ensuing two days of overindulgence. Pixie has been over for two full days – I’m sure she’ll think twice before accepting our invitation to sleep over on the holidays again. The basement is a filthy pit, and was not cleaned for her arrival (see above, re: working until Friday. See also, Housework, Husband not interested in doing any). I’ve been getting crankier and crankier, and at last I bailed out of our annual trip to the relatives.

Did I feel guilty? Oh nellie! I have done this trip every year since the Boy & I started dating. To pass it up, even though I know I’d be a huge ball of crank, was awful. The problem (as highlighted in last-year’s recap) is that I need to dose myself pretty thoroughly to keep ahead of my cat allergy; the prospect of this, coupled with my sore-throat-pulsing-headache-wee-sniffly-nose was enough to make me take on the guilt-boulder. Now I’m just sitting, four hours later. The house is so quiet that I keep looking around for Blake. I suppose I should clean up (after Pixie left!) but for now I think I’ll just sit and listen to my new-to-me Pixies album (last year’s birthday gift and tragically unopened until now) and compose my hiatus note.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 12/26/2005 04:24:00 p.m.