Tonight my parents had the Summers over for dinner. The four of them are taking a trip to England next month to visit Bee, who's doing her doctoral work in York. Anyway, it's not been a bad night altogether – for one thing, my mother is in a good mood. As Calvin once said to his uncle, "my mother is much more patient with me when we have guests."

What's been interesting is the advice. Maybe it's just because I'm not feeling well right now (cold. ugh.), but I'm minding it more today than usual. First it was commentary on Blake's delightful habit of biting the breast that feeds him (5 times in the last 2 days! Grr!). Mrs. S. told me that she bit her baby & after that her little one never tried it again. Sounds good. Except for the fact that babies don't get the finer ethical threads of the point you're making and will interpret it as "mom is dangerous & scary." The advice was easily dismissed – even my mom defended me, saying that withholding the breast after a bite is consequence enough.

And then it was a discussion of Blake's bedtime. They were over quite late, and I commented that we were just about to get the Boo into bed. Mrs. S. asked if he were sleeping through the night, I snorted derisively, and she told me to let him cry it out. Twice.

"Twenty minutes the first night, then five minutes less each night, dear," she assured me breezily.

Now, I'm no longer one of those really uptight mamas who think that people who leave their precious babies to cry it out (or CIO, as it's known on the AP boards) are worse than Hitler. I know why moms & dads make that decision, and I've seen plenty of very sensitive moms slice their hearts to ribbons when they finally decide to try it for the good of the family. I know that it works, in that it usually reduces the amount of times a parent is required to get up & get the baby back to sleep (about the other effects I'll remain silent).

But even if I weren't a hairy-legged, granola-eating, sling-using, breastfeeding AP hippie mom, I wouldn't leave Blake to cry it out. It just doesn't make any practical sense; CIO only works if you can put the baby in another room. Babies who self-soothe after CIO still wake up & make noise in the middle of the night, and that's a lot harder to ignore when the crib is 5 feet away.

Aha, you think, she can't be all that AP if she's put that much thought into CIO. Well, despite appearances to the contrary, I'm not all that stupid. You don't get out of bed a half-dozen times a night for 8 months and not consider all of your options. If I thought CIO was best for Blake & the Boy & me, he'd be wailing away right now. But as long as we're poor, I get to hoard my parenting principles. Neener.

As even Mrs. S. herownself said, "they're only babies for such a short time." Amen, sister.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 8/14/2004 10:35:00 p.m.