I wonder if anyone else gets the feeling that there's a baby they should have had? And that nonexistent baby is following them around through the holidays, inserting thoughts of "should have been" into some very strange places?

Today was my first full day off, and I slept in, went to church and went to the gym. None of that would have been possible if ghost baby were real.

Sorry ghost baby. Maybe next Christmas.

Labels: angst, christmas

Blake has been gone for 7 hours and I've already started binging on the computer. Ahhh. If only my modem wasn't a piece of crap and if only I could wrap up this silly Homestar fan pattern I wrote this fall. The pattern is all written, but. I'm spacey from sitting in the basement for most of the afternoon and my hands are cold. Still, I'm very happy that I get to mellow out this much today; it's been a long string of late nights and early mornings. Today is for knitting, writing, and sorting through Christmas pictures.

Yeah, it was a good Christmas. Every year gets better. On Christmas Eve Blake sang with the children's choir at church, the choir I somehow found myself directing this October. Blake has been practicing with this group for the better part of two years, but he has never made it to performing. I don't really mind. He wants to sing with the kids; he doesn't want to be in front of everyone with them, and that's much better than the reverse. And this year he's been singing with them. On Christmas Eve he scored a hat-trick: he stayed in one place, he kept his fingers out of his nose and I could hear him singing. A mother could not be more proud.

I made the genius decision to bathe him before church, so all we had to do when we got home was change into pj's, set out the cookies we'd baked for Santa, and go to sleep. Good thing we made 20 cookies; between Santa and my brother they were all gone by Christmas morning.

korknisse guards the few remaining cookies

This year Blake got a fish and some books and a foam sword and a shirt with a rocket on the front. I got a knitterly necklace and a book on regency sewing and the first Smiths album (on vinyl, my latest drug) and a quarter-year subscription to a yarn of the month club. Mason got old books and new books and a luxurious knit neckwarmer and a shirt with an evil cupcake. Someday soon he'll get another custom calendar, full of this year's concert photography.

And all of us got Homestar for Decemberween.

Yesterday we had dinner at my parents, which was very small but very emotional. This is the last big holiday without my grandmother, as she had a stroke on New Year's Day last year and our last memory of her in health was at my house for Christmas dinner. Mason was there with me, which helped. Blake and Nic got into a few scraps, which didn't. And when it was all over we packed up and went to Mason's sister's house to visit after their Christmas dinner (none of us could have eaten anything more if we were paid. We still managed to have cake, though.)

This is where Blake got to run around with his almost-cousins and receive all the noisy, battery-operated toys that I avoid like the plague. My favourite, and his, was a huuuuge Clone Trooper helmet with a very loud voice setting. He took it with him today for the 1 ½ hour car ride to see the Boy's aunt. I'm sure it will also be his father's favourite toy by the end of that ride. Hee.

This year I find myself nostalgic for lost family, dead and separated by feud or distance. This year I miss long-gone parties with my friends in-between family dinners; bread dragons and 3 a.m.'s in the Dance Cave. This year I listen to people talk about how much better Christmas is when you only go to one place, and I just nod politely. What I have gained in tranquility I can never get back in bustle. I love my house, but this is the time when I wish I was around for brunches and drinks and coffee in the city. And that's what Christmas is for too, I think. Nostalgia and melancholy are alright, as long as you don't binge on them. Me, I'm just trying to stay away from the chocolates and I figure that the sadness will take care of itself.

Labels: blake, christmas, church, nostalgia

I have the afternoon off while Blake is decorating my parents' tree, which allows me to get caught up on my digital tomfoolery. I'm glad he's doing it for his own sake; I thought that boy would explode with the need to decorate. We bought our tree on Thursday, which meant that it needed at least a night to relax. His first question when he woke up on Friday: "can we decorate the tree?" No, son. I'd love to know the code for calling in Festive, but it's a closely guarded secret. So yesterday, despite spending most of the day booting around downtown until Mason & I were thoroughly wrung out, we got out the precious red tote and started the tinselling.

Why were Mason & I so spent? It might have something to do with the fact that we were in pubs from school's end to well past midnight. It was a perfect storm of bar-crawling, starting with a staff function, sailing on through Brampton Drunken Knitting (with a brief dinner visit by Blake & my dad before they went off to see the Olympic torch in a nearby park), and finishing off at the Artful Dodger for a res reunion. It would have been even more difficult to get out of bed on Saturday if I had been able to put down the car keys at any point, but that's the problem with an inter-city booze expedition: there really can't be all that much booze if I don't want to have my car towed to some nearby, put-upon friend. So I watched the old crowd get loaded instead of participating.

(I'm really not sure that I could have stood back from this 12 years ago, put-upon friends or none. I suppose that means that I'm growing up. Or? Really tired.)

Everyone was feeling cozy and sentimental, and my ancient velour Christmas dress went over well, as the later it got no-one could stop petting my arms. (People love that dress. It is by far the most popular thing I've ever worn. Maggie M in particular thought it was worth building a time machine so that she could do as my mother had, and order it from the Sears catalogue in the early 90's.) I spent time catching up with Pete, Cranly, Steven, Seth & Kat, without wondering too much about when I would see anyone again. That may be the other thing about not drinking: I was able to appreciate seeing everyone without getting anxious about the fact that we never ever see each other any more.

I also found it interesting how easy it was to talk to Cranly, as I had to literally corner him to talk to him 6 ½ years ago, and I haven't been able to keep in touch since. Now he frequents the Dakota (for bluegrass), nearly joined the Peace Corps and has had a parallel experience with being seduced by bands in the BSS family. When I was younger I used to think that my friends then would like the same things as I did pretty much forever; now that I'm older my biggest surprise is that sometimes, they do.

No pictures, because I never went home for my camera. And also, I was talking too much. But to know what it looked like, you just have to picture everyone in my photos from the first days of the journal, only with beards. Yes, even the ladies.

Especially the ladies.

Labels: blake, christmas, friends, nostalgia, outfits, outings, res

The Boy's Christmas mittens (2005) sped toward completion once I had some sick time to deal with them. One mitten has been done since February of last year, but the second was delayed. I finished the body of the second mitten only to discover that the first mitten is at least an inch too short. W. T. F?? Rip & re-knit complete in time for yard duty!

look at how happy he is to wear double-stranded mittens during our arctic cold snap

They're made out of Mission Falls 1824 wool. One of the problems I had in finishing them was that I didn't buy enough yarn, then the company went out of business, then the company was back in business but not all the colours came back right away, then it was summer, then my regular YS didn't have any more white, then it was Christmas (again) and I was busy with other gifts. Then I ran out of excuses and finished the damn mittens, just in time for the bitter cold. I received many compliments on them whilst knitting them, and now I'm dreaming of a version that uses Noro and a neutral.

Labels: christmas, fo

Knucks!

I finally finished a pair of gloves for the Boy, right in time for Christmas. I even clothes-pinned them to the tree (I'm such a Martha). They're Knucks, made out of Rowan Felted Tweed (the pattern yarn, no less!) and embroidered with the name of the Boy's tutoring affiliation.

the boy poses outside my school

I'm very proud of myself.

Labels: christmas, embroidery, fo, knitty

I woke up this morning in a slight frothy panic at the amount of work that still stands between me and the end of my holidays. However, events have conspired to keep me from my marking pen, so I guess I'll have to be anxious tomorrow, too.

For one thing, I woke up late, again. After breakfast & a shower, we left the house to look for Pixie's xmas present: a meat grinder. The Boy, assuming that we lived in a grinder-rich area of commerce, wandered from store to store like a dejected Diogenes. We finally found one in a Home Hardware 3 minutes from the Boy's mom's house, where we had gone despite our lack of success. (It was the weirdest thing. After an hour of luckless searching in B-ton, they were to the immediate left of the door, like an impulse item. It reminds me of a story Poet used to tell about Margaret Atwood and Honest Ed's and plungers.)

It is quite possibly the coolest kitchen appliance I have ever bought. Pixie will be using it to grind up hearts and gizzards (mostly gizzards) for her kitties, but she could very well start making her own sausage. I wouldn't put it past her.

ja wohl, mein fleischhacker

The afternoon was spent in family visiting, toddler style (which is like regular family visiting except with more deliberate accidents, more endless coaxing and more feelings of anxiety and shame). Blake had an off day today, and we have been butting heads nigh continually. Yes, he comes by his stubbornness naturally. He also comes by his hell-raising naturally, for it is foretold that in each Rocketfamily generation there will rise a Toddler, one who will test the limits of every nerve and leave a trail of salty destruction in its wake. We're just the lucky conduits.

Amy gave me a shout out, which made me happy. Amy generally makes me happy, but the shout out makes me especially happy, as one of my not-so-secret desires is to be missed when I'm gone. Knowing that I am is lovely.

(As to the hat thing, I decided that 2007 was the Year of Wearing Dirk's Hat, which caused him to wonder if I could handle that much hat. Phah. I'm twice the woman he is. And though I'm not as fond of his winter hat as I might be, I am as firmly devoted to Tilley hats as he. I loves my Hemp Tilley.)

Labels: christmas, family

The third in a three-part series. (How many buttonhole bags can I knit & give away??) Like my mom's striped bag, this was knit during professional development out of Elann.com Peruvian bulky wool. But as I wasn't happy with the shrinking on the last one, I took this one out of the wash earlier. Result: a roomier bag. I like it very much.

merry christmas, grandma cate

Labels: christmas, felt, fo

Meema's Marsupial Bag was one of the first things I wanted to make in Stitch n' Bitch. But I let my long, long dalliance with "Zeeby's Bag" get in the way. So more than two years after I bought the yarn (Plymouth Gallway, and a tonne more than I needed), I have a pretty felted tote. It knit up in less than a week, and only asked for a few cheap snaps and a quick washing machine felt for finishing.

I gave it to Scout for Christmas, as I seem to have too many bags. I hope she gets good use out of it.

Labels: christmas, felt, fo

Christmas, O my Christmas.

Plunged into the same discombobulation that attends all of my abrupt shifts from working to extended holidays, I did not write because I could not sustain the interest. I can and will recap, though. Right now I'm feeling much better, but still quite bipolar: one half of me wants to get pregnant and/or buy a house RIGHT NOW while the other half wants to scoop out the passport, dodge the small cars & balls of yarn littering the floor and flee until I get somewhere where no one knows my name.

Christmas for Blake was much like his birthday: he topped out after one present. I would have let him enjoy his stocking indefinitely, but he is always rushed through the entire exercise by my parents, who want to do other things.

(Sorry about the bitterness, but this is always the hardest part of holidays, besides amusing Blake for an entire day. The house is never empty and consequently I never feel relaxed. We passed our third anniversary in the basement and I have never wanted to leave more than I do this week. I started looking at mortgage calculators today, and was speedily depressed when we couldn't muster many vital figures. Our separate vagueness in financial matters is reinforced by the other. Not good.)

His haul was immense: trinkets, clothes, toy cars and a stack of new books almost 6 inches deep. We have yet to scratch the surface of this wordy tsunami. Kind of ironic, actually. Last summer I was talking to the ladies at the Sn'B about books, namely my reluctance to spoil him by buying every book in which he showed an interest. The ladies convinced me that I was wrong, and since then I have welcomed it all, and splurged on a few hard-to-finds as well. (There is no Daniel Pinkwater back catalogue to be found in the new stores. Thank heaven for Alibris.)

My presents were mostly forgettable, but the Boy showed some excellent insight in acquiring Knitting For Peace. It's a book that profiles charitable organizations that focus on hand-knitted items for a variety of reasons. I immediately converted my in-process mitten to the pattern listed, and started a Mother Bear teddy the next day. This book kills me, in a very good way. It's the perfect antidote to Christmas over-consumption and indulgence.

The Boy also took me to Toronto for New! Shoes! I {heart} my new Fluevogs.

Couldn't get the boots I wanted, so I settled for some new pumps. The girls in my class have been henpecking me about my shoes, trying to get me into sensible ones so I won't fall again. These ones make me very happy.

The usual round of holiday visits went off with few hitches. We've been extraordinarily sensitive this year, as we all rushed into the holiday season sporting excellent colds, and thanks to the unseasonably warm temperatures we’ve been able to go outside and avoid the dust, cat hair, smoke, and other issues. This also helps us deal with Blake, who is remarkably improved after an hour on the playground. He won't sit still, but at least he'll stop trying to run out the door and fling himself into the street in sheer boredom.

Some pictures!

christmas with the boy's clan (pic mostly for pixie's sake)

blake in his winter hat and clashing coat

two gnomes in an unconventional xmas tree
don't get neck strain trying to make this one true

Labels: christmas

Another pretty Noro cabled hat from the Gaspereau Valley Fibres pattern, for the boyfriend of the one who ended up with the first. (That would be my sis Scout, if you're keeping track at home.) This time, in "manly" colors! Because I can play that game if I have to. I bought these balls at Knitomatic and I l-uh-ve them. Most of this hat was completed during (what else?) professional development.

this is the boy's "serious thinking" face. not to be confused with the face he makes when he's seriously thinking. this is just the photo version.

Labels: christmas, fo, repeats

I am frickin' exhausted. You'd think I did more today than:

1. Sleep in surprisingly late
2. Take my family to church
3. Knit
4. Go home & feed my family lunches
5. Drive to Toronto
6. Pick up my camera (just in the nick of time - some burglars were eyeing both it and my toothbrush)
7. Go to Opera Sarah's house
8. Plop my bum on the couch
9. Eat & drink
10. Knit
11. Chase after Blake, play with him and administer some much-needed times out
12. Talk with several people I haven't seen in years
13. Go home
14. Clean out the final crate of teenaged detritus
15. Sneeze
16. Turn my attention to my homework, discover a lack of motivation, then
17. Open a new diary file.

Had an excellent time at Sarah & Leo's 10th annual Xmas Open House, as always. I even wore a new outfit this year - usually I just wear my black velveteen dress with the leopard-print cuffs & collars, because where else will I get to wear it? This year I wore my new classy brown outfit. Blake & Demi played with a varying amount of success. We all nibbled too much. And we got to relax & be social. It makes me happy that we can still be invited out once in awhile, despite the fact that we live on the outer limits of known territory and our child is the holy terror of dips everywhere.

Today was White Gift Sunday, and my mom asked Blake to bring her gifts to the front of the church for dedication. Now, Blake's usual MO in church is to tear-ass up the aisle so that he can see the piano or run around behind the communion table, but I'm willing to have a go at anything because I like his energy. Today he walked slowly up the aisle, looking around at everyone singing; placed his gift reverently in the collection totes; and turned around to walk back with me, singing the Wallace & Gromit theme (well, he didn’t know the hymn).

I was delighted. I was impressed. I am in love.

Labels: blake, christmas, church

For the church's annual Christmas Bazaar, I thought I should share some of the knitting love. And when I got Last Minute Knitted Gifts, I knew that the mini stocking & sweater pattern was going to be my chance.

These were knit over the last three weeks or so out of odds & ends. The yarn for the big stocking is Patons Classic Merino that first appeared in Henry Rollins' pants & the Anarchy hat respectively. The yarn for the little stocking is Patons Kroy that was purchased for Little Spider's zombie pulse warmer. The biggest sweater is Anarchy Hat Classic Merino yarn with Peace Fleece embellishements from the Blake's in-progress sweater. The middle sweater is green yarn (DGB Confort) from the turtle placket-neck sweater with white & black Patons Kroy for embroidery. And the littlest plain sweater is the Koigu PPPM sock yarn I love so much.

I hope they sell. I hope people like them.

Labels: christmas, fo, repeats