It's been an odd day today, full & hot & bustling but strangely still. I feel like my life is holding its breath, waiting for some signal to relax.

My mother's friend's funeral was today. (Let's call her N for the purposes of this entry.) N died at home on Thursday morning, surrounded by her family. What a terrible newspaper cliché, but in this case a true one. My mother was there, having been called to advise them about a painkiller. She said it was unbelievable: after she died, her sons, her husband, and her sisters all had a drink and spoke of how much they had loved her and how much they loved each other. So dignified, so blessed. If one has to die, this was the best way to do it.

We took Blake to the funeral, but he got hot & irritable & had to be taken out quickly. The house was packed – I've never seen the church so full, not even on Christmas – and the church has no air conditioning. This suited my dad, who is painfully shy (and at heart a Catholic); he much prefers to walk Blake around the rooms in the back. As I held him after the service, I wondered if he'd ever have to carry my ashes to the front of a church, or deliver a eulogy through slow, halting tears. Suddenly I feel terribly ungrateful for being impatient with him. Once life is drawing to a close, no one regrets the cartoons they didn't watch or the magazine articles they might have read online. To cherish the living is the only respectful thing to do on a day like today.

So be happy. You're alive. Live.

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- Rocketbride's adventure of 9/12/2004 10:17:00 p.m.