January 02, 2007
spoonful of sugar

Reasons Why I am a Good Mother:

  1. my kid can recognize several classic children's stories by eye & by ear as well as key poems by William Blake
  2. his clothes are clean and so is he – at least, when he starts the day
  3. he can walk medium distances with stamina & grace
  4. he has no military clothes, toys or stories
  5. he can sing songs to himself and get them right all the way through
  6. he knows how to say "thank you," "please" and "I'm sorry," even if he needs to be prompted
  7. he has never had to drive me home from the bar

I'm feeling a little blue about our stalled progress in potty training, so I thought I'd throw that list in there. It's hard not to focus on the frustrations of life with Blake, especially when I'm in such a negative mode and want to hide from my responsibilities. We were at an Early Years Centre this afternoon, and it made me remember when my entire life wasn't wondering why he won't sleep more than 9 hours at night, why he won't use the toilet voluntarily, why he focuses on my body flaws when he wants to "cuddle," and why he keeps making huge messes as soon as the last one is cleaned up.

I think the problem is that I don't have anything meaningful to do this week (except marking, which I can't do with him around), so I revert to the old script - a teenage vegetable state which lowers my readiness for toddler problems. Plus, he's not getting all the activity he needs to tire him out. So we lock horns, I get ashamed of myself, he gets alienated, rinse & repeat. I think I want to go back to my job now – this holiday has been nothing but feelings of sadness, inadequacy, and defensiveness.

I'm also avoiding my mother, who keeps asking what I plan to do and then sniffing in disapproval at the inadequacy of my plan. Yeah, you and me both, Mom.

- 1 comments/hedgehogs -

- Rocketbride's adventure of 1/02/2007 10:55:00 p.m.

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Don't make me send out the Blake. He doesn't listen to *anyone.*